We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk is not a location!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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