I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
