Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
