Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
