I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Come on in and take your pants off
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