i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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