I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
