so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
