Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
