from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The adults are the big ones right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
