you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
