So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
