You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
