physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
