From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
