So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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