I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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