Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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