I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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