My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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