glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You can't motorboat a personality
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
