My cat gives me a boner
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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