i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
