How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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