I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i now understand why vodka
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
