there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
His nipple licking is glorious
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