I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
