im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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