I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
