I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
