adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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