im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
