Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Boobs speak an international language.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
