I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think my moral compass just broke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
