dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
