hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
