Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
