Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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