I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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