i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
