I just saw a hot homeless man
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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