grandma shit on top of the toilet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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