Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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