im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
