So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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