clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
