I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
