i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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