hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
