he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
