Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
