is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
