That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
