'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
