some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
