she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
