how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
