Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
