Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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