I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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