I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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