you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
