u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
