we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
