I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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