I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
