no. you can't hotbox the world.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
false alarm, still single
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
