I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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