I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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