her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
