i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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