I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize