READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
