so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
