Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
