Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
