what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
its liver damage thursday
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