i think my mom watched the whole time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
