the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't deserve a penis
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
