I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
