im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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