Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize