rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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