Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
