I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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