i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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