I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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