how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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