what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
