I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
