i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
