Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
