Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
