I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
